Kindness Is Hardcore
And It Also Makes You A Better Runner
We’ve all been there and we’ve all done it. Could be on the starting line. I can’t do this. I suck. Could be with one lap to go… one mile to go… one K to go. I’m never going to finish this strong. I’m weak. I’m pathetic. Could be at home. Could be at work. Could be at school. I’m stupid. I’m ugly. I’m a loser. I’m dumb. We all have been our own worst teammates. We’ve been terrible friends to ourselves. We’ve been cruel coaches to ourselves. Why do we do this? Not because it’s smart. It’s not. It’s asinine. Not because it’s motivating or inspiring. It’s not. It’s disheartening. It’s demoralizing. Not because we’ll become better runners (or humans). Because it won’t. Being cruel makes us smaller, weaker, and more isolated. So, why do we do this to ourselves? Why are we so mean to ourselves?
We do it because it’s easy.
Being A Jerk Only Demands Weakness
It’s not hard to be a jerk. It’s doesn’t take much, if any effort to humiliate ourselves (or others). And when we have a choice between doing the hard thing or the easy thing… well, all too often we choose easy. Crazy, right? Especially considering that we are often at our nastiest when we are in the midst of a great effort. We are at our most discouraging when we are attempting our hardest tasks. And we are at our most disparaging after we try our best. Talk about bad timing to be a bad partner!
Like I said, crazy. But sometimes crazy makes sense. And it makes sense to me that we would take the easy route when given the opportunity. Granted, the best route is not always the easy one. And maybe that’s where we screw up. Instead of pausing when given the option of the easiest path and taking a moment (because all it takes is a moment) to ask if this easiest path is a better path we just roll down easy street. And if we just asked that question… is the easy path the best path… we’d eventually get to the answer.
Sometimes the easy thing to do makes everything else you do harder
Sleeping in is always easy. Sleeping on a day that promises brutal temperatures later in the day makes just about everything hotter… and harder… though. Taking that shortcut every single time on the loop the team runs for recovery days will definitely make the loop easier. It will also make your races harder. Because you’re not going to have the mental or physical endurance you could have had. And when you need to dig deep into that reservoir of courage you need when you race you’re going to find yourself lacking. Lacking in courage that is. You’ll have an endless supply of doubt and regret though. Shortcuts always get you somewhere. Just not anywhere you’ll be proud to be.
It’s just so easy to not try. It’s harder to try. Trying means you may fail… come up short… lose… be exposed. None of those things are easy to deal with. It’s so easy to be apathetic. It’s hard to care. Because caring means you can be disappointed. Caring means you can be hurt. It’s also easy to diminish your efforts and achievements. It’s hard to acknowledge that you gave your best… especially when your best didn’t achieve what you wanted. It’s easy to give up on yourself. It’s hard to hang on when you’re struggling. It’s hard to come back to the starting line after you crossed the finish line defeated. It’s easy to quit on yourself. It’s not easy to believe in yourself and what you are doing when you don’t have proof that what you’re doing is going to work.
It’s easier to tear down than build up. It’s easier to knock down than help up. It’s easier to trash something than try to clean it up. It’s easier to break something than put something back together. It’s easier to hurt someone than it is to heal someone. It’s even easier when that someone is yourself. None of these things that are so easy to do take courage. None take character or grit. There’s no honor in being mean. All you need is to be a coward.
Cruelty is for cowards
That’s right. Cruelty is for cowards. Bullies aren’t tough. They’re pathetic. They lack the strength to do the right thing. They lack the fortitude to be kind. Because kindness (not niceness) ain’t easy. Just like being grammatically correct ain’t easy. You see… in order to be truly kind you need to be consistently kind. Because kindness is defined as the quality or state of being kind. And can you really say you have earned the quality or state of kindness by being inconsistently kind? Nah. I don’t think so.
That’s what makes kindness tough. You don’t get to pick and choose when you are kind or cruel and still get to call yourself kind. You’re just a jerk that every now and again does the right thing. (But maybe for the wrong reasons. Not sure that counts by the way.) See? It’s not easy to be a kind person. But it will make everything you do easier.
Now, I could dive deep into this… even deeper than I already have. But right now I want to tell you that being kind will make you a better runner. If you can’t understand that being kind will make you a better human… well, I’m gonna need more than a newsletter for you.
So, let’s focus on how kindness leads to better running.
Bonus: Kindness will make you a better runner
I’ve run around the proverbial block for a number of laps. And I can tell you without hesitation that I know of a whole lot of coaches that found great success being complete and total as$holes. What I can also tell you without hesitation is that their success was nowhere close to what it could have been had they not been such miserable leaders and guides and teachers. Sure, you can get athletes to train and compete with fear and anxiety as the main fuel that powers their motivation. But fear and anxiety are low grade fuels. They are as toxic and destructive as hate. And like hate they burn bright but burn quick. They also rot the engine of the machine being powered by them. You can only get so far on fuels like these because they are so harmful. They power the athlete for moments but weaken them for the long term. And greatness is defined over the long term.
When an athlete is struggling… telling them they are weak or a failure is not only harmful… it’s also a lie. Struggling isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s not proof of failure. Struggling means you are successfully not giving up. And that takes strength. Once an athlete realizes that they are no longer scared of struggling they also realize that struggling is a part of the game, the training, the journey. They come to know that it is a part of life. And they are more likely to see struggle as proof that they are still invested, engaged, vital. That’s someone I want on my team.
Telling yourself you suck when you are trying to get better won’t make you any better. But it’s easy to do. I get it. Well, next time you are about to do the easy thing to yourself… do the hard thing instead. Tell yourself I’m trying dammit! Tell yourself that you may not be where you want to be but where you are is where you do the work to get you closer to where you want to be. And then tell yourself that what that really means is that you are exactly where you want to be because where you are is where the work gets done. It’s where the movement is powered. It’s where progress… as imperceptible as it may seem… is being made.
Tell yourself that this version of you is getting better. Sure, if that’s too hard just tell yourself that you are sucking less. Means the same thing. No idea why anyone would choose to say suck less instead of get better though. Oh yeah I do! It’s easier to tell yourself you suck and when you get better that you still suck. It’s easy to do that! But you’re not running because you think running is easy. You’re running because running offers you an opportunity to challenge yourself. You’re running because it would be easier to not run. You’re running so you can, yes… struggle.
So, challenge yourself. And struggle! And be kind! Kind to others. Kind to yourself. I already know you can. Because you run. And running takes courage. Running takes strength and hope. Cowards can run. But they run away from the hardest parts. They run away from the tough moments. They run away from kindness.
And you’re not a coward. You run. More importantly, you’re kind. That means you’re hardcore too. Because there isn’t anything more hardcore than kindness.
Cheers,
Coach Bennett
A LITTLE VIDEO FROM LAST YEAR I MADE ABOUT KINDNESS BEING HARDCORE:
PLAY RUNNING!
We play basketball. We play tennis and football. We play field hockey and volleyball and we play baseball. Why don’t we play running? We used to. We still should.
Check out the latest episode of Coach Bennett’s Podcast: Play Running
You can also read this instagram post from a few years ago that I wrote about our need to Play Running below. Just tap the picture to read the post.
BEST RUNNER EVER: WINTER EDITION STARTS IN LESS THAN A MONTH!
That’s right! In just a few short weeks Best Runner Ever Winter Edition will start up and we want you to be a part of it!
Running, even in winter, can be fun and easier than you think. That’s why I’m teaming up again with superstar mindset coach tammie bennett to help teach you how to run your best during the winter!
Join us in this month-long group coaching program to think about (winter) running in a whole, new way. a way that helps you feel empowered, energized and healthy.
No matter your level or experience, we will help you be a better runner. When you stay consistent, stay motivated, and prepare properly, you’ll have more fun. When you’re having more fun, you’ll show up for more runs.
And when you show up for more runs, you become a better runner.
IT’S OKAY TO STOP ON A RUN. REALLY! JUST WATCH THE VIDEO.
A LITTLE BIT IS ALRIGHT
I went a little bit too hard on my run today. Good. Tomorrow I may go a little bit too long… or a little bit too short… or a little bit too slow. Consistency is what I am after. But rigidity is not what will get me there. It’s flexibility and diversity that will. So, I’m okay with going a little bit too something now and again because that means I’m still going. Check out the video below.
I GOT TO BE A GUEST ON A FEW PODCASTS
I had the great honor to be a guest once again on the Show Up Society Podcast. I always have the best time with tammie. I know you’re going to love this episode.
I also got to be on the podcast put together by Craig Segal of the great New Jersey running specialty store Runner’s High. New Years Day we sat down and had a long and super fun conversation. It’s no surprise that I think you’re going to enjoy this one too. So, put aside a whole bunch of time and dove into all these great podcasts.
Cheers and as always thank you for reading. Whenever I sit down to write my hope is that I can offer something that helps you on your next run or walk or exam you have to take or presentation you need to give or tough conversation you need to have. This sport and this community has helped me more than I could ever help in return. But I’m going to try. Anyway. I hope the time you spend reading the newsletter is time well spent.
Cheers to you and to everyone that’s a paid supporter of this newsletter or thinking about becoming a paid supporter. I truly appreciate it.
Take care of yourself and take care of each other.
Until that next starting line…
Coach Bennett
I really enjoy reading your Newsletter . But this is the best article I've read... by far. thanks, Coach.
Such a great article!!