How Do You Stay So Positive All The Time?

How do I stay so positive all the time?
I get that question… a lot. It’s a good question. And I understand where it comes from. I’m a coach. We’re supposed to be optimistic. Don’t get me wrong though. We are also supposed to be honest and realistic. And that means not lying to the athlete. So, I won’t lie to you when you ask me the question… again.

How do you stay so positive all the time?

Let me start by telling you what it means to be a coach. Because it’s essential that you understand why you see what you see and hear what you hear from me. Being a coach (or a teacher) means always looking for the potential inside the athlete. Being a coach means always looking for those parts of the athlete that can be improved and drawing attention to those parts of an athlete to celebrate for improving. Being a coach means working towards a better version of your team. A team that competes harder, trains smarter, works better. A team that gets closer, loves deeper, cares for each other more. You cannot be the best coach you can be unless you believe… fully believe that each and every athlete on your team has the potential to be their best.

As a coach you don’t have the luxury of giving up on someone. You don’t have the option of quitting on someone. You don’t have the choice of whether or not to show up or give something less than your best. Being a coach is about service. Service to others. Service to your athletes. They don’t wait on you. You wait on them. They don’t show up for you. You show up for them. They don’t need to be the first to believe. The coach does. And they need to know that you believe. They need to know you care. They need to know that somebody will always be giving their best and that somebody is the coach. The team may quit. The coach cannot. It’s not an option for a coach. Because when a coach quits they are no longer coaching and that means they are no longer a coach. They have become nothing more than an overqualified fan.

So, what you hear from me is just me being a coach. What you read from me is just me being a coach. What you see from me is just me being a coach. It’s me believing in you. It’s me trying to explain to you what’s waiting for you on the other side of the starting line. It’s me sharing what I’ve learned and experienced and the hard won wisdom I feel that I believe can help you get you where you can be… someday.

I totally get it why all this can come across as me being eternally positive. I get why the question gets asked. How do you stay so positive?

What you really need to know is this:

I don’t stay positive all the time.

Sometimes I get depressed. I get sad. I get angry. I get pissed. I get frustrated. I get nervous. I get hurt. Sometimes I feel hopeless. I feel confused. I feel stupid. I feel ignorant. I feel ugly. I lose motivation. I lose inspiration. I lose focus. I lose momentum. I lose confidence. I get tired. I get fatigued. I get exhausted. I become cranky. I get stressed. I get insecure. I do all of of that… just like you.

But, I also understand that if I invite happiness and love into my life I must invite sadness too. They travel together you know. And that means I may get hurt.
I know that being nervous and scared reminds me that I care about something or someone. That’s a great thing to be reminded of. And I realize that if I want to continue to learn and become better I first need to acknowledge my own limits and shortcomings. I must accept that I don’t know everything if I want to know more.

And if I choose to hold a candle, a small light in this world, I must be prepared not only for that light to go out… I must also be prepared to ask someone else to help light my candle again. I know that asking for help when you are weak is a sign of strength and so when I need help and ask for help I remind myself that I am strong.
If I lose motivation or lose inspiration or lose hope I just remind myself that I lost them and you can’t lose something you never had. And that means they are out there... somewhere waiting to be found again. I just need to keep searching until I find them. And if I can search for those things then that means I have motivation… it means I have a little hope left… and that inspires me to keep looking.

And when I’m at my lowest I am grateful. I’m grateful that I have the the absolute privilege of being a coach. Because if I do my job the right way I get to help people and that is a privilege. And no matter what I think I’m missing or lacking or how much I believe I’ve been breaking down or losing… the opportunity to help someone that needs help is a stone cold gift. When it’s all whittled down to its absolute essence that’s all coaching really is… helping someone become better in some way.

Faster. Fitter. Stronger. Happier. More confident. Less stressed. Better.

Coaching is my purpose. It gets me back to another starting line. It’s there that I get to speak to you. It’s where I get to look for the positives in someone else. It’s where I get to uncover the good in someone else. It’s where I get to help someone else. It’s there that I get to see the struggling athlete. It’s there that I get to see the new runner. It’s there that I get to see the person having a big breakthrough. It’s there that I get to see the comeback. It’s there that I get to see someone that needs to know that they matter and I get to tell them that they do. I get to tell them they are enough. And it’s there that I get to tell them they don’t need to be positive all the time.

And it’s there that they ask me the question… but coach, how do you stay so positive all the time? So, I tell them what I’m telling you now.

I don’t stay positive all the time.
But that doesn’t matter.
What really matters is that I don’t stay negative.